[cybele727]

Sarvi. Sounds like she took a developmental leap! In my humble experience, there are two major causes for behavior issues not related to disabilities… Lack of sleep and frustration. Some kids get so frustrated bc they can’t express or do something. But then suddenly the switch flips and new kid!

We were having tantrums before Christmas, but then about then, the WeeGee had a click. Now we have so many fewer. Along with it came a new ability to play with toys.

[meleliza]

Definiately, Sarvi! Some ages are more difficult than others. Most people talk about the terrible twos, because their ability to do jumps so much faster than their ability to speak or reason. They want what they want right now! Or don’t want, as the case may be. Baby girl is abosolutely going throug this now. Lots of “no!” around here. 🙂 But what I have found – and heard from moms of older kids than mine as well – is that 4 is a fearsome age. Both my boys were just horrible aggravating uncooperative tantrum throwing little pitas. I started making the oldest one do chores everytime he got difficult and that made it bearable for me. But #2, who is on the difficult side in general, well his fearsome fourness lasted until just recently. He’s nearly 5 1/2. Brazelton has a really good explanation of the growing awareness a four year old has about his individuality, his place in the world and his struggle to keep up with it all. Then they go off to kindergarten and come out grown up big kids! So far, 5, 6 and 7 have all been just fine. It’s really fun to watch them develop.

[Jane]

While we are discussing kids and behavior let me ask this question. Piper has recently (in the past month) started to have trouble going to bed at night or staying in bed at night. She is more or less “afraid” of the dark. We bought a special TinkerBell night light and she takes a flashlight to bed with her. She takes an afternoon nap without any issues. I lay her down, she goes to sleep. Night time is an entirely different story. She cries (a very fearful cry, not a fake I want you to stay cry) and won’t stay in bed, my husband has been sitting with her until she falls asleep but I don’t want to keep doing this. If she wakes up in the middle of the night she screams and again is very fearful. She talks about the “scary kitty cat” that she sees trying to get in her window (she’s on the second floor) and monsters. I had her help me to pick up her room and we looked in the closet and under the bed and talked about how we didn’t see any monsters or monster foot prints. I feel really bad for her and would love to hear any suggestions from anyone who had dealt successfully with “monsters” in the past! Heaven knows I could use a good nights sleep soon!

Jane

[Nicole]

Jane,they sound like night terrors rather then just bad dreams.

It *can* be a sign of stress or something upsetting her,something she may not be totally aware of.

If you can have a chat to her about how she is feeling,in a very neutral environment,perhaps while giving her a swing,and see if anything comes out.

It could take some time.

If it is bad dreams,sometimes a cartoon or an image in a book can sub consciously imbed in their little minds.

Hugo was very sensitive as a lad,and would happily enjoy B&W war movies and HornBlower shows but did not like Dr Who or ‘spooky’ things. He would have terrible dreams as does Liddy now on occasions.

If you are satisfied they are just bad dreams,going to her and reassuring her is the best thing to do.

I personally didn’t ‘check’ for monsters as I was worried my children would take that as a sign there may have been monsters but I could be over thinking that one!

Lots of love and reassurance and perhaps take alternate nights with your hubby.

How old is she?

Lots of heart felt love to you Jane.

PS Just my 5 cents worth xx N

[Lightning McStitch]

Oh I agree that 4 can be be much worse than 2. At least 2 year olds have that “being helpful” thing, (although they’re more a hindrance than a help, but it’s cute) whereas the 4 year old who can do it, knows he should do it, but just won’t. Sheesh, they’re maddening.

Jesims, I’ve no idea, but you reminded me of a funny story. My son woke a few times one night complaining of monsters in the room. I was initially caring, although pretty no-nonsense at 2am, then started getting more brusque as the complaints continued. Eventually my husband went in and did as P had asked all along and put the lights on and “checked for monsters”. Sure enough there was a little mouse who had fallen into the waste paper basket and was scrabbling around trying to get out. You can imagine I felt a little ashamed….

[Tamara]

I found three the most “delightful” for both mine. The tantrums were more fiery at 3. They seemed to calm down at 4 but I did have an episode of two with N at five and while talking with friend who have boys too they all said it was hormone spurts that did it.

Now with him being 7 I’m getting super sensitivity. We are three days into the school year and he already doesn’t want to go on the bus because he heard some bigger boys talking about this game they had in the iPod. Last year it scared him silly as it showed an image of his sister being blown up! So last night we just talked about how to get the message across to these boys (who are rather frightful) that he didn’t want to participate in their game and to please not show him those images.

I’m getting hormonal Pre teen emotions and eternal crankiness from miss 10 but that isn’t unusual it is about the time it starts kicking in and I have been seeing signs of it for the past year or so. I just haven’t buckled in for the ride yet!

In terms of monsters, we watched the Disney movie after our tiny little episode. But we’d come into the bedroom check under the bed, close the bathroom door (because that seemed spooky to them) and then did our story and bedtime routine. It didn’t last long. We had a night light (salt lamp actually) and always some sort of sleepy time story playing on the iPod (or CD player). I used to put lavender on the pillows to help them relax and after the story I didn’t rush out, but had a little chat about the next day or the good things that happened that day (no negative talk at bedtime). Occasionally I had to stay but not often.

Nicole’s advice is good to go with. Talking it out helps. Monitoring what they watch helps also. I didn’t watch the news at all around my kids for that reason. Playing out scenarios with toys helps too. It is like subconsciously feeding self soothing strategies into them without them knowing. It’s a sort of play therapy in a way. Monitoring bedtimes and daily activities helps also. Do you have a child health nurse to speak to also?

Good luck! Hope it all turns out to be a simple thing and bedtimes can be easier on everyone.

[cybele727]

Re monsters….

Have you tried reading monster books? One that helped my son was I need my monster. It is about a child needing his particular monster in order to fall asleep.

Also we have a lamp with a small red bulb in it. The red lets you see in the dark without being too bright. It’s what they use in dark rooms. :).

[Nicole]

Tamara,I had to get friend to explain that to me.

What wicked boys,how nasty. What a horrid thing to do.

[highpowermom]

cybele727, lack of sleep and frustration causing behavior issues, that explains a lot! I have a lot of both. So does my son. ;> Seriously though, he never napped and he still wakes at night (that and allergies accounts for my own lack of sleep), and I’m really having to work with him on not getting hooked into the perfectionist nightmare.

Thanks everyone for the school info, the reading eggs and mathletics. Everything’s on my Pinterest board now. 🙂 Exploring options for homeschool as well…

Handwashing, this year our preschool started requiring it on arrival. Parents sign in, kids go straight to supervised handwashing before they go to the classroom. They also have hand sanitizers in the classrooms. It doesn’t eliminate everything (we’ve had two bugs this year but nothing horrible), but it’s definitely helpful.

[Tamara]

Nicole, this is not all! I had a chat with the bus driver today and told her what N said to me last night re the “game” I have asked her to please be vigilant because we NEED the bus, being almost 50km from school I just can’t do two trips to town daily. She shared some information with me that I did not know – that there was a group of three doing horrible things and saying horrible things to my kids last year on the bus! They have been split up and I was warned about the “variety of personalities” on the bus this year because it is full! There is no use in swapping them around but I did ask where these particular children sit in relation to my children. I just have to get the kids to be happy to go on the bus.

No wonder we were having issues at school as well last year. When you have the kids on the bus to deal with as well as the kids at school there is only so much a little child can take! It is just such a pity that school didn’t see that last year! But then I am not surprised because this particular child is the nephew of the principal! So of course nothing will be done about it and he is just following suit from his brother who is away at boarding school and hopefully realising he isn’t kingpin and never has been. I’m hoping we have a reprieve from this child next year when he goes to be a little fish in a big pond!

Apparently, the boy deleted the app yesterday so there was no issue today and N said he had a happy ride home on the bus. I think there may have been a conversation between him and the bus driver.

There were a few other things that needed to be sorted out too today and fortunately I managed to speak to the parents concerned. It wasn’t bad but it was very rude but then I sort of expected that from a boy who developmentally is going through that yucky stage! Between 9 and 12 I believe is another trying time for parents of boys.

Even that antibacterial gel would help keep the bugs at bay – teacher gives each kid a squirt of gel as they go I’m the door and again as they go out to play. I know it would cost, but schools have a budget for this sort of thing. An idea anyway.

In terms of sleep, I attempt to get my kids into bed by 7pm with lights out for N at 7.30 and for miss 10 at 8pm and even then it is pushing it with having to get out of bed by 6am, they drag their feet! Bus comes to collect at 7.10am so it is a very long day. N didn’t sleep through consistently until he was at least 3 and he stopped day time sleeps by 2! Miss 10 slept through consistently from age one and had day sleeps until 3.5 years. So both we’re very different. They even fed for different times also, N feeding longer and Missy stopping short at just 9months.

Cybele hope you enjoy the reading eggs and mathletics. Incidentally if you have the facilities, they have supporting apps also.

[cybele727]

Ooh the bus…lets see in the past 2 school years… One bully, one physical assault, and one little girl who is GlennClose in Fatal Attraction.

The bully is no longer bullying…. (He was being mean bc he was jealous and wanted the little girls attention which she was obsessively devoting to my son), the physical assault was pushing my son (at th time only 5) so hard in a goofing around incident that the back of his head spider cracked one of those really thick bus windows, and then there is the little Glenn Close. That issue is still being dealt with. 18 mo long obsession.

Daily basis I am dealing with that one. This little girl needs therapy. And I am not even one of those moms who gets all…. Stay away from my son, he’s mine….girls love him so I am used to it. But this one…. PROBLEMS….

As a first grader a fist fight with another girl over who would marry himself and attempted French kissing.

This year cuddling in the bus after taking off his coat and shirt.

My boy is lovey and has no boundaries. He’ll take all the love from anyone anytime . We are working on that. But he isn’t the aggressor. The girl? Not only no boundaries, but ugh… She’s headed for SERIOUS problems.

Had school separate them on the bus. They suggested a play date where I old monitor behavior and instruct. A’s teacher had her last year and said to me , “she’s seriously obsessed. He’s ALL she talked about last year. She wrote all her stories about him.”

I did this playdate. She seemed ok, but a wee bit fey. It was relatively normal, but then as she was leaving….

Dreamy voice quality, staring into space, ” oh A. I love you so much. You are my life. I can’t live without you. I need you. We are going to get married. There is no one else but me.”

Um, she’s 7! Mom quickly yelled at her for being inappropriate. I shuddered and picked my jaw up from the ground. Creepy! Clearly something is wrong. Therapy anyone?

In the meantime, I work on him and boundaries and touching!

[cybele727]

Ooh dear riddled with typos. You get the idea, anyway!

[needlewoman]

Crikey, cybele! Sounds really grim. Hard to know who to feel more sorry for; you, your son, or the little predator.

[cybele727]

I know. She needs help. I feel for her but not to the detriment of my son’s health and safety.

Right now A says stuff like, “we aren’t allowed to touch”. And, “I am not your boyfriend, just your friend.”

And sure A likes this girl, so it is challenging.

I do hope her parents get her professional help soon. Sigh…

Ok new topic…. Anyone???

[Sarvi]

I hate to armchair-Freud, but is it possible that the girl is re-enacting inappropriate behavior she has seen or experienced elsewhere? Ugh, stuff like that is the worst, when you see a child who really needs help and you can’t do much about it.

On a happier topic, I also am very interested in extracurriculars, generally. Mine is coming up on 3 and a half (SIGH!) and is showing a more urgent interest in dance, music, etc. My husband asked what sports I am ok with her playing, and I said chess. Overprotective much, mom? Yeah, I know. I finally broke down and said tennis, swimming, cycling, hiking. See the theme? No other kids with bats, cleats, etc. getting withing swinging/kicking distance. Oddly enough, I am ok with martial arts, perhaps because it seems contained, with adults supervising *right there*, not half a playing field away.

What activities do your kids like, how much time do they spend practicing, do you feel overscheduled?