I second Carol, I’ve bought from fabric-store.com many times and when they say “softened” they mean it. The softened version is usually a few cents more per yard but it’s SOOO worth it.
Also, fabric.com has some nice linens from time to time (stock varies so check often). The thing to look for there is a description of the “hand” of a fabric. Sometimes it’s in the details up by the content and width, it’ll say “Hand: Soft” and sometimes it’s in the description (there’s a hanky weight on there right now that mentions having a soft hand in the description). Word of warning, with fabric.com if it doesn’t say soft, don’t chance it, either skip it or order a swatch. I made that mistake once, I’m sure eventually I’ll make napkins out of it or something but I’ll never put it next to my skin, and certainly not The Benevolent Dictator’s soft little girl skin.
A couple of home remedy options for softening up what you do have, try washing it with vinegar and something heavy duty like jeans, a little beating up sometimes softens linen well. Also, Dharma Trading sells a chemical softener called Milsoft. I usually use it to soften back up linen that I’ve dyed but it might work for you as well.
I LOVE working with linen, as a historical costumer I use it almost exclusively and there’s no substitute for the drape, flow, and feel of it and it breathes like a dream. Plus, the more you wash and dry it in the washer and dryer the less it wrinkles. Remember to finish your seams well, though, linen is notorious for shredding in the wash.
