[Tamara]

It is great he absorbed so much information and managed to tell you about it! My son did something similare when he was four. He told us he wanted a pedal header for Christmas and that yes Santa does so make them! I did what you did and hit the net and sure enough they do exist! We thought he plucked it out of that wild imagination of his. And yes Santa got him his pedal header but with a different comb as they didnt come with the one like our real one.

As a parent we really have the responsibility to listen and believe our kids. The hard bit is finding out you believed a lie but it is gloriously satisfying to see other people back pedal when the truth is found out too. I am a firm believer in believing in my children but dont waste time in sifting through the information to determine where the truth and falsehoods meet. A childs perspective is so very different from that of an adults sometimes.

[meleliza]

Lightning, that’s how I feel about listening to my husband.

[Sarvi]

Haha, meleliza!

I have to say, one of the things I appreciated most as a child was knowing that no matter what, my mom would always stick up for me. My teachers might have gotten a few shocks when my mom was called in for a conference — they’d be the ones getting earfuls. It’s funny, I can see how it’s played out later in life. When my grandfather became ill, we had a family member in his hospital room 24/7, cross checking all his medication against the doctor’s orders. You found out quickly which ones were the nurses you could trust and which ones you had to check up on. There’s always been that sense that you had to be prepared to be fierce in defense of your family if it came down to it. My mother might have overdone it at times!

[cybele727]

Sarvi, you bring up an interesting point. As we know, I clearly have no problem going into school and telling a teacher or principal what is what. But I can smack down my teaching experience and degree to get their attention and “credibility” as to my opinion. Not fair, but hey you work with what you got.

But to my point, I am a tireless advocate for my child, but as a teacher, some of those tireless advocates for their own children are wrong. My son wouldn’t lie. My daughter isn’t rude. Guess what? They are human and sometimes they do these things- even normally lovely children will have their fallible moments.

It is always hard to know when to advocate for your child and have their back and when to respect the authority of the teacher. Such a tough balance. Although I never ever disagree with a teacher in front of my child. If I have something to say, it is never in front of the child. I do try to maintain that they deserve respect from my children. I also do address the issue to my child if the teacher says my child did X.

[meleliza]

I very much want for my kids to feel like I’ve got their backs. I haven’t had to do much sticking up for them other than against each other, though. The middle one did have a hard time adjusting to preschool, so for a long time we had to push them to give him some attention when he arrived. Otherwise, I don’t hear a peep from the teacher about my oldest. I’m still trying to figure out what kind of student he is and how hard to push him or not.

[Tamara]

Cybele where do you stand on the accusation that a child is violent and the parent is adamant they aren’t?

This was the accusation made against my son last year where I had a go at the teacher and told her straight that he doesn’t hit, kick, bite or do anything that she was telling me because I don’t have that at home. He has battles with his sister (as all siblings do) but it is more of a war of words and no physical action. I believe a normally non violent child can act out aggressively if provoked but does that mean he should be given the title of “violent”?

Thankfully we have shown her the true side of him this year as there hasn’t been any mention of that word and she is the type who will write notes about the negative more than the positive. The latest being he has been a bit “off” the last few days and suggested it was because of the midweek Astronomy activity the school held on Tuesday night, of course he wasn’t the only one getting over it but she thought she would tell me anyway.

Being part of the educational “team” can be difficult for a parent but you are right, we need to show the child we respect the teacher despite us knowing she is most certainly out of line sometimes. Children at the age of 7 are not going to be nice as pie all the time, its pretty impossible because if they are at school I bet they are pretty rotten at home. N has his days where he is great at school and at home but it is very hard to keep it up. He is so much happier this year that’s all I know and I think the teacher has realised he isn’t the rotten kid she thought he was. We are still keeping our eye on the ball in terms of the huge disciplinary action taken against him last year – first term last year he had 7 yellow cards (timeout for 80 minutes each). We have a little over two weeks of term left so we are getting to the point of succeeding in keeping up the momentum of staying out of solitary confinement!

In terms of “team” when miss 10 brought home homework for the first time this year, I didn’t hold back in telling her the importance of completing and handing it in. I also didn’t hold back in talking to the teacher about her attitude towards homework and to let her know I told miss 10 about the mum, dad, teacher team thing. I think she appreciated that and 8 weeks later, missy is doing her homework consistently! Her teacher doesn’t send notes out or anything like that and I find her to be more positive – she is a “can do” person.

Both my kids are “if-then” kids so they respond well to consequences. Heaven help me if they were different! This way I am able to curb and correct behaviour and I have little trouble from them. They are good kids mostly.

[cybele727]

Oh dear. Justsewit, I hope you didn’t think I was questioning you or your right as a parent to advocate. Or any one’s. If I came off that way, I am so very sorry. I very strongly advocate for my own child, much to the annoyance of my son’s teachers at times. 🙂

I was musing more about the challenge of balance in advocating for a child and teaching respect. It is a hard thing.

I know that if I got a violent report, I would talk separately to both child and teacher. Asking open ended questions like what happened, how did you feel, and then what did you do and then what happened, and so on. For my son I would do it at a relaxed time and not when he was anxious, like I heard you had a bad day. Let’s talk about it.

Then I would ask from the teacher a very specific report of what she saw and heard, not what was reported to her. I would also say my son’s version is markedly different. In my experience truth lies in the middle of everyone’s perceptions, including my perception that my child is not violent.

I would also say that while he may or may not have committed an ACT, he is not defined by such an act, and labeling him as violent does not provide a solution. So instead of labeling my child to limit who he is, creating a self fulfilling prophesy, or leveling accusations at him, which is easier than affirmatively solving the problem, let us discover the source of the anxiety and stress that makes him unhappy and act inappropriately in school. This way together we can craft a solution so you can do your job and help my son thrive and bloom. All this would be said with a smile of gritted teeth and a plan to make the teacher accountable to ME to create and follow through with a plan to solve the problem.

To my son I would say, I hear you, I believe you, I am sorry you are sad/mad. Let’s figure out what upsets you in school and how we can get better at expressing our feelings productively. I would also say that even though he may not like his teacher, she is an adult whose job it is to teach him and deserves respect so she can do her job.

That’s how I would handle that. Lots of talk. Lots of hearing and acknowledging of feelings, as much respect as I could muster through the anger and the clear expectation that a constructive solution must be a part if the teacher’s classroom management plan, and that they were accountable to me.

All this exhausts the teacher and my child. Usually both behave better as a result. 😉

I hope I haven’t offended you with what I would do. (I would want to rip the teacher’s head off, btw!)

[Tamara]

Oh good! On the right track! Yep! We talk often and regularly. I want to find out how their days were and the best and worst parts. I can tell where the truth peters out with N but if I can’t differentiate then I will write a note to the teacher to clarify and then talk some more. As for respect, it is a facade for me! I can’t ever respect those women for what they said about my son last year. I just acknowledge the fact they were worried about his behaviour, yet didnt put effective measures into place communiation or otherwise and to me that really wasn’t doing their whole job properly. Gosh! I was ready to sue!

Now ripping a teachers head off! I wish I had you in the conference room when we had that meeting – you’d have been proud!

[Nicole]

I am afraid I always quiz my children first,after having nannied I find that being naughty is just something children do.

I really try hard not to pee off the teachers. They tend to stay at our school a long time and I don’t want to make life hard for the little ones coming through.

On the whole,our teachers are great and very approachable. You COULD not pay me enough money to be a teacher.

We have just waved the last of Lidia’s birthday guests off. We had a super day and the children all got along fabulously!

A really really lovely day.

[needlewoman]

So glad the birthday party went well, N. Such a great feeling when ‘everybody’ had a good time, isn’t it? How did the littlest fit in? Do the twins/H feel proud of their contribution to event’s success?

My dear friend’s book launch went extremely well; at least 80 people turned up, (and not all of them were his family). He told me that the 5 speeches given totalled only 30 mins which means everybody stayed on message, his college’s kitchen provided lovely finger food, and the publishers provided the order forms/copies of the two books being launched, at the 11th hour. My flowers arrived in timely fashion, and A was very touched, and pleased but didn’t wear them in his jacket’s lapel because he didn’t think the new Pope would approve. LOL for some time. But not too loudly because my friend’s scruples are very real and important to him. With a bit of luck, I will be sent a photo of the “corsage” soon.

No, my friend is not famous but well loved by many friends who are grief stricken that such a dear man, and Jesuit priest is only 70 and dying slowly from lung cancer; although, he has never smoked. A was pretty knackered after the big occasion, but sounded not too bad 24 hours later. Just so pleased that so many people made such an effort to attend. Thanks everyone for your interest, and approval of my idea of the flowers. I was prepared for the fact he was likely not to wear them; he was more grateful that I reminded him the day before the launch to take his jacket out, and air it and make sure it was in good nick. Blokes can be very funny and sweet, can’t they?

[Sarvi]

Oh, I’d love to hear more about Liddy’s party!

How nice that the flowers came in useful in some way, if not the intended way 🙂

[needlewoman]

Yes, I second Sarvi abt Liddy’s b’day party, N. Looking forward to seeing your Pinwheel, too. Flickr is not letting me yet. Thank you Sarvi; life is like that so often, isn’t it. Haven’t seen flowers photo yet but not bothered; A is not really well enough to do these sorts of things as promptly as he used to. Thanks for great stories of kids and their accurate perceptions, even when adults think they must have it all wrong. Sometimes, they do get it very wrong (albeit sweetly). When my godmother/aunt’s twins were very small, they wanted a “machine” for Christmas. After much investigation, it was established that the kids thought that the little man on the “Mr Sheen” advertisement could be purchased along with the can of spray polish, and of course, anybody would want a Mr Sheen who can whiz around the house cleaning things! It was very hard to explain that while the polish could be bought, “Mr Sheen” wasn’t ‘available – even from Santa Claus.

[Tamara]

I guess it is time to get the winter woolies out of moth balls! I’ve just been woken up by a huge rain storm – it is 4am! Funny how the weather website that we usually go by says 5% chance of 1-5mm for today! Absolutely certain we have had more than that! I prefer rain to be steady rather than gusty but we will take all we can get at the moment, so this’ll do!

Three cheers for rain in easter week – never fails me!

Hope everyone on the other side of the world is experiencing the comforting warmth of Spring!

[with love Heidi]

Glad your getting rain Justsewit!

[meleliza]

Despite snow and rain yesterday, we have a promising forecast for Easter. It’s supposed to be warm and sunny! Which is always exciting in terms of wardrobe and egg hunt. The kids are so looking forward to the egg hunt, that they started yesterday pretending to be the Easter bunny and hiding eggs around the house for each other to find. We made bunny ears out of paper and the three of them hopped around the house singing. And playing nicely together, sharing, taking turns and everything. Let me tell you, that is a rare and priceless treat! I’m glad I enjoyed it while I could because this morning, two of them are just stealing the eggs from each other and screaming. Lol.

Otherwise, the only news I have is that my house is a huge mess! And I’d really like it cleaned up before the weekend so I can relax and enjoy the holiday.